The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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