I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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