i already hear my dad disowning me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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