Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
