Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
