Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
