just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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