What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
