my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
