I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
