So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
