Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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