So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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