My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
