It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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