Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
