She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
