TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
