I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
