I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
