Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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