So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
