I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
