I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
