so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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