I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
