she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
