im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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