I wish I could punch you in the face.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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