i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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