ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
