what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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