I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
