Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
