Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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