I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
