I can text with my tongue
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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