It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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