fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
