speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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