Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
