i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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