You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
