a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh god it's open bar.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
