i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am available for nakedness
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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