I think my fart just growled at me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
