please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize