But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I AM VODKA MAN
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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