i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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