wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
