...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize