Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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