Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
