She is in my trunk
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
