Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?