Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.

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  (406): When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up. http://tfl.nu/pzz5
  Replies (26) Good night (7850) Bad night (696)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.

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  (604): just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe. http://tfl.nu/ejrn
  Replies (26) Good night (613) Bad night (3709)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.

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  (206): I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers. http://tfl.nu/k6c6
  Replies (26) Good night (6201) Bad night (618)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.

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  (610): Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot. http://tfl.nu/czov
  Replies (19) Good night (4520) Bad night (1010)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

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  (636): I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public http://tfl.nu/ux7y
  Replies (9) Good night (952) Bad night (4237)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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  (952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw
  Replies (13) Good night (1321) Bad night (4003)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?

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  (914): She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable? http://tfl.nu/73t2
  Replies (4) Good night (2618) Bad night (619)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.

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  (847): The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome. http://tfl.nu/h8r4
  Replies (13) Good night (4982) Bad night (782)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.

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  (720): Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description. http://tfl.nu/i5hv
  Replies (3) Good night (2262) Bad night (555)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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  (443): There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut? http://tfl.nu/irwu
  Replies (3) Good night (326) Bad night (656)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.

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  (636): Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy. http://tfl.nu/5193
  Replies (3) Good night (926) Bad night (427)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants

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  (314): He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants http://tfl.nu/b4ki
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (260)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!

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  (315): Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night! http://tfl.nu/mal7
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (218)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am

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  (647): The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am http://tfl.nu/2wd6
  Replies (0) Good night (368) Bad night (244)
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  (230): View more from

  Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.

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  (230): Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success. http://tfl.nu/u50l
  Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (295)

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