I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk