If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null