I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH