Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird