haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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