She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
