I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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