I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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