his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
