Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
