i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
